Yes, Virginia There Are Adult Bullies

Yes, Virginia there are adult bullies

Have you ever been targeted by the best person on earth? It is a strange situation because they are so enamored by everyone else that you begin to believe them as well. I have recently been reminded of a time I was the recipient of kind, loving constructivism that didn’t feel comfortable. I questioned myself, my actions, and not until later when discussing my self-doubt with a professional did it become clear to me, that it boiled down to intent, and only one of us could claim good intentions. Although my intentions were not self-serving, I readily believed in the failures being presented to me. They came to me, my mind accepted them as truth, and my self-talk played them over and over like a song played on a loop.

Self-talk is present all the time. We listen to it off and on all day long, sometimes well into the night, preventing down time for sleep. We are not always consciously aware of what our mind is repeating, but we do feel it. It is important to bring those thoughts- that self-talk to the front and give it attention. You may find out you are not as kind as you think you are. Don’t hide it, change it! Perhaps your thoughts make you feel hypocritical. Good! You now can address it before others realize it too. Then again the self-talk can belittle you, criticize you, and diminish your spirit, creating a lack of self-worth. Is that what you want to tell yourself? It doesn’t matter where those thoughts originated. It matters that they became your thoughts and through self-talk, you hear them over and over, believing them every time. By critically listening to your self-talk, you can recognize what is unreal and detrimental. You can stop being your own worst enemy, and create a shield that hurtful intentions can’t penetrate.

I have written about children and bullying, a topic that strikes a direct blow to my heart but now realize that there are vicious egotistical adults as well. Children are not the only ones that are victims. Although when adults are bullied, the attack is on their inner child as well. There are adults out there hiding behind fake kindness, religion and even service that are not heart based in their actions. Childhood bullies grown up have had many years of practice. If you are heart centered, they see an easy target.

It was recommended to me to ask my guardian angels for help. I know, some of you are thinking I did that when I was a kid, but I am grown up now. Well, your angels have been waiting for a long time for a signal from you that you want assistance. I asked for help and the answer seemed to make sense, exactly what I would think. That was because they were my thoughts. I stayed quiet for a while longer and waited. When it no longer sounded like me, I knew it was a message from my angels. I also recognized immediately it was a much better idea than I came up with on my own. It was not based in ego. Archangel Raguel can be called on to mediate conflicts and bring harmony to relationships as well. Free will blocks so many from angelic assistance. God created these spiritual supporters before humanity so we would never be alone. Give gratitude for them in your life and ask for help; whether you know what you need or not, they do.

There are different types of bullies, some “in your face” and some that hide it behind their goodness. I have read about standing up to them as the only way to stop it, but it my case, I know if I had, I would have given what was needed- a platform to show off their perfection and my perceived inability. Of course the other person is believed to be the kindest God fearing person on the planet. How could they be wrong in their actions? I chose to rise above it. I didn’t react.   Throughout the time we had to interact, I had professional support and recommend it highly. Being able to talk was immensely helpful because as I mentioned before no one would have believed me. Also, I was amazed at how easily I had believed the criticism. The professional suggestions were invaluable. In some cases people can walk away from bullies, but workplace bullying and similar other situations limit the options. Seek help.

Hold tightly to your self-esteem. Focus on their needs and their weaknesses as the cause of the conflict. Perhaps you can assist them with their needs without them attacking you. First and foremost, refuse to be diminished in your own eyes. Yes, listen to your self-talk. If your intentions are good, hold fast. If your intentions are from ego, self-serving, in any way diminishing others, then take the advice, even if it was judgmental in the presentation. Accept it as a gift if it returns you to your path. Accept self-talk as your inner barometer to peace.

Bullied, Bully, An Observer of Bullying. Which is Your Child?

 

Most children are not bullies. More children have goodness in their heart and yet bullying is a major issues in social groups like school. Children who choose that way of being find it gives them power and that power comes from the attention they receive. There are children that don’t need the approval of others to receive the power they seek, but those are not the situations addressed here.

huffingtonpost.com2

huffingtonpost.com

Children that seek attention of their peers by making another feel badly about themselves, falsely believe that those in the room support them because of their reactions. Children laugh, often from discomfort, and that encourages the bullies. Others may stand there gawking uncomfortably, but their silence is also encouragement. And the child being humiliated stands alone. Stopbullying.gov has a section that helps you equip your child. “ They want to help but they don’t know how. Teach them how to be more than a bystander.”

napab.org

napab.org

Is your child a bully magnet? That is painful for parents as well as the child. Kid Power has tips for helping your child develop an aura of security and assertiveness which may help them feel more self- assured and less vulnerable.

Is your child a bully? Are you sure? Unfortunately tough kids are not the only bullies. In giving your child every opportunity you could, you may have inadvertently given the impression that they are more deserving and better than others, that those with less are inferior and need to be put in their place. Some kids are more aggressive than others, while some are unkind, even cruel just by the condescending faces they make or the hurtful “honesty” they share. Your child may also be surprised to discover that in becoming part of a group they longed for, they have crossed the divide between being a loving person and one who makes others feel uncomfortable. Children who are popular or in leadership roles too often fall into this category. True leaders help others become the best they can be, not make themselves feel powerful by putting others down. Children that have the natural ability to lead, need to learn this early in life so that their skills continue to grow. Leadership without empathy and caring will not take them far in their adult lives.

Bullies may do physical harm or threaten with physical harm, humiliate, exclude, or in any way make another feel badly about themselves. Sadly, children believe that they deserve it, sometimes to the point of not telling their loved ones what they are going through.  The ultimate sense of aloneness. Can you feel it? I believe it also produces an immense sense of shame that they can not share with those that love them. Is it a belief that the bully might be right? That parents will believe it too? It spans far more than an incident in the cafeteria or on the bus. It reaches their souls.  The emotional stress needs to be taken seriously.tsa-usa.org

Prior generations have considered bullying as a right of passage, even using it as a basis of humor in movies and books, but as more studies are done, it is coming to light how much effect there is in adult life for those bullied, the bullies themselves, the observers and those who were bullied and became bullies.  All show impact in later life with the bully/ victims most gravely affected.  These negative relationships with peers are being considered as important as abuse at home during childhood according to Stephanie Pappas, LiveScience Senior Writer in an article titled, “Long-Term Effects Of Bullying: Pain Lasts Into Adulthood (STUDY)”

In My Loving Self and Me the children encounter bullying in several forms from cruelty to outdoor critters, to face to face aggression.  The poem “Will You Join Me”  speaks to fear causing an inability to stand up for someone being bullied but not willing to participate.  It acknowledges their feelings as well as encouraging an understand that they will work towards standing up for anyone being mistreated.  Bullying is only one of the many issues that are addressed to assist children and their parents in My Loving Self and Me.  All are helped by realizing the difference between living from their heart and living out of ego.

Children need to learn to love, care and be sensitive to the needs of themselves and others. Their adults must be sensitive as well. Name calling or humiliation should never be a form of discipline.  They learn what they are taught.  Make it valuable.

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