Yes, Virginia There Are Adult Bullies

Yes, Virginia there are adult bullies

Have you ever been targeted by the best person on earth? It is a strange situation because they are so enamored by everyone else that you begin to believe them as well. I have recently been reminded of a time I was the recipient of kind, loving constructivism that didn’t feel comfortable. I questioned myself, my actions, and not until later when discussing my self-doubt with a professional did it become clear to me, that it boiled down to intent, and only one of us could claim good intentions. Although my intentions were not self-serving, I readily believed in the failures being presented to me. They came to me, my mind accepted them as truth, and my self-talk played them over and over like a song played on a loop.

Self-talk is present all the time. We listen to it off and on all day long, sometimes well into the night, preventing down time for sleep. We are not always consciously aware of what our mind is repeating, but we do feel it. It is important to bring those thoughts- that self-talk to the front and give it attention. You may find out you are not as kind as you think you are. Don’t hide it, change it! Perhaps your thoughts make you feel hypocritical. Good! You now can address it before others realize it too. Then again the self-talk can belittle you, criticize you, and diminish your spirit, creating a lack of self-worth. Is that what you want to tell yourself? It doesn’t matter where those thoughts originated. It matters that they became your thoughts and through self-talk, you hear them over and over, believing them every time. By critically listening to your self-talk, you can recognize what is unreal and detrimental. You can stop being your own worst enemy, and create a shield that hurtful intentions can’t penetrate.

I have written about children and bullying, a topic that strikes a direct blow to my heart but now realize that there are vicious egotistical adults as well. Children are not the only ones that are victims. Although when adults are bullied, the attack is on their inner child as well. There are adults out there hiding behind fake kindness, religion and even service that are not heart based in their actions. Childhood bullies grown up have had many years of practice. If you are heart centered, they see an easy target.

It was recommended to me to ask my guardian angels for help. I know, some of you are thinking I did that when I was a kid, but I am grown up now. Well, your angels have been waiting for a long time for a signal from you that you want assistance. I asked for help and the answer seemed to make sense, exactly what I would think. That was because they were my thoughts. I stayed quiet for a while longer and waited. When it no longer sounded like me, I knew it was a message from my angels. I also recognized immediately it was a much better idea than I came up with on my own. It was not based in ego. Archangel Raguel can be called on to mediate conflicts and bring harmony to relationships as well. Free will blocks so many from angelic assistance. God created these spiritual supporters before humanity so we would never be alone. Give gratitude for them in your life and ask for help; whether you know what you need or not, they do.

There are different types of bullies, some “in your face” and some that hide it behind their goodness. I have read about standing up to them as the only way to stop it, but it my case, I know if I had, I would have given what was needed- a platform to show off their perfection and my perceived inability. Of course the other person is believed to be the kindest God fearing person on the planet. How could they be wrong in their actions? I chose to rise above it. I didn’t react.   Throughout the time we had to interact, I had professional support and recommend it highly. Being able to talk was immensely helpful because as I mentioned before no one would have believed me. Also, I was amazed at how easily I had believed the criticism. The professional suggestions were invaluable. In some cases people can walk away from bullies, but workplace bullying and similar other situations limit the options. Seek help.

Hold tightly to your self-esteem. Focus on their needs and their weaknesses as the cause of the conflict. Perhaps you can assist them with their needs without them attacking you. First and foremost, refuse to be diminished in your own eyes. Yes, listen to your self-talk. If your intentions are good, hold fast. If your intentions are from ego, self-serving, in any way diminishing others, then take the advice, even if it was judgmental in the presentation. Accept it as a gift if it returns you to your path. Accept self-talk as your inner barometer to peace.

Kids Need to Learn to Be. Be What? At Peace With Themselves.

Gram looked up from her cup of tea. “There are many things to do! But you don’t have to always do something. You can just be.”

Gabby looked at her grandmother “Be what?” she asked.

“You don’t have to be something. Just be you! Bring your Loving Self as close as you can. Forget about all the outside things your ‘all about me’ self is involved with, and wants to do.” imagesQMP5XHRX

Gram took another sip of tea, “At first you might need to lie down, or close your eyes, or be in a quiet space. Then just be.

Kids need to learn to be at peace with themselves, to think by themselves, to love themselves. We all need to let go, breathe deeply and be one with quiet. As I sit here in the moment, I feel a breeze on my face, the rustle of leaves, a distant boat and many birds. I am grateful for all of it, but I had to learn to be.  In an article in the Huffington Post, this is also called mindfulness training.

In a world of TV, video games, email, Instagram and phones that do it all, sitting alone has changed. More and people are not participating in the events they go to, much less spend quiet time with their thoughts. It is an easy change, but takes some effort.

So why should kids (and you) learn to be at peace with yourself? My first thought is to find out who you are. Sure you know what you think you think but is that really you? Do you sound like your mother? Grandmother? Best friend? Discovering that many of “my” beliefs weren’t mine at all, was a huge surprise.  Here I am defending what I believe to be true and I never considered whether I really believe that. Think that is ludicrous? Try it! Analyze your strong beliefs. What do you defend to the nth degree? Any chance someone else’s points might be valid? You will never know if you don’t take time to think about it in the quiet and from your heart. Many of your beliefs were set while you were a young child. Many of those beliefs you have already passed on to your children and they aren’t even yours!

Prayer and meditation are valuable in connecting with God, your creator. Connection beyond one’s self helps children as well as adults stay centered and grounded and with that comes power- not over someone or something else, but from within, a feeling that all things are possible. One of the first affirmations I learned was from Tony Robbins, “All I need is within me now.” That is powerful!meditating 8yr old

During peace and quiet times, gratitude can flourish if children are taught to make it a part of their daily thoughts. It is a frame of mind that once learned reduces negativity, fear, judgment and criticism. Positivity becomes the primary thought process. With gratitude comes joy. With joy, their ‘all about me’ self, your ego diminishes bringing you and them closer to peace.

Children can also be taught to set intentions, like a to-do list for a way of being.   Rather than, ‘I will make my bed’, it might be, ‘I will be kind and helpful to my sister.’ Just being alone in quiet is a perfect time for this! They can call it their ‘to be” list!

Quiet time, just being time allows children to learn to appreciate themselves as well. Quiet alone time can be used for ‘What I love about me’. Gram told the children in the story “Just Being” that by loving themselves as God loves them, they are showing appreciation for the gifts He gave them. She also recommended that they thank Him for things they don’t quite believe are true yet because the more they think it and say it, the sooner they will believe in themselves.

Contentment comes with just being which leaves boredom out of their vocabulary. Now that is truly a gift!