Divergence in Blogging

A cancer experience has taken hold of consciousness for a bit and so I am going to roll with it and stay in the moment with my thoughts.  I do believe that this is not so much a divergence from previous topics, but a different route to the care and loving of the children in our lives.

Honestly, I have known how to care for myself nutritionally for a long time. The biggest lie I told myself over and over was that if it was so very important, then we wouldn’t be bombarded everywhere with the opposite of what is necessary for a healthy life.  It appears to me that every food item advertised promotes a nutritional aspect so that we do not notice that which is harmful.  Remember the old saying to describe how delicious something was, “Put it on a flip flop and the flip flop would taste delicious.”  Advertise a nutritional benefit and it will cover up all the harmful ingredients underneath.  I know I knew the advertising is a cover up, and yet I kept telling myself they couldn’t do it if it wasn’t true. Truth in advertising, right?  So often what is said isn’t as important as what isn’t said.

Cooking and food has its own channels on TV.  Some encourage over eating, abundant amounts of sugar, and high calorie food with customers who explain the goodness by admitting they eat there 3-4 times a week, indirectly telling viewers that day after day of high calorie foods is fine.   I remember a show a few years back with a family that used healthy ingredients, emphasized plant based food, and taking off unnecessary weight.  I wonder where that show went?

I can no longer believe that anyone has my best interest at heart more than me.  Neither should you, but like me you have to come to that conclusion on your own.  We believe in democracy and a government that looks out for our well being, when in truth, capitalism is what runs our country, and what makes money is promoted.  That is not a criticism but a reality that lead me to realize that I have to think for myself and consider the source. Does what they are advertising even sound feasible or am I  buying  (and eating) a crazy bill of goods? “If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.”  (Not mine, but a good one!)

American pride has made some feel superior and superiority in my experience leads to downfall.  Now that I am in my situation information I read about others countries comes back to me.  I wish I had read it completely, and processed it fully.  Other countries have outlawed fluoride in water, toothpaste and anything else that goes in the mouth. GMOs have been banished as well. So  what are they doing with those products?  My guess is exporting them to the US where they are all legal.  No proof, just a guess. Our country did that with medicines we didn’t want  for years and may still be doing it , sending things to what we called 3rd world countries.  Are we now the 3rd world country?

I will wind my way back around to the children we love, because this discussion has to get there and quickly.  The ones I love are not choosing to  eat green or plant based of any color, have sugar every day in some manner, drink too little  water, and  would choose a prepackaged food over real if given that opportunity.  Acidic choices  create a growing field for disease.  Yes, I will get to that topic soon.

In   addition, I am right now typing on my wireless laptop, which is in my lap, (even though a lap stand is right upstairs). It is able to communicate with the internet, situated in the next room, or the printer upstairs, and that is  such an incredible convenience, but is it good for me?  I rarely carry my cell phone on my person as do others, but it is in a pocket, my purse or a table near me, most of the time. It too is giving off EMF energy all the time. Another topic for another time, but food for thought.

While considering  my inspiration for the next blog, I will walk every day, get out in the sunshine for a while every day, breathe in fresh air, and while doing so, will ask myself if the choices I made today are for my highest good. Staying open to all possibilities and questioning old belief patterns, allows our own higher self to give us the answers.

 

 

Model What You Want Them To Be

Today I am borrowing from a much wiser and well known writer to help convey an important parenting concept.  If like me, you grew up hearing “Do as I say not as I do,”  and tried that as a way of parenting, you probably have already discovered that it doesn’t work.  Integrity is a much better basket to put your eggs in.  Kids today see through anything less.  Being the role model you want for them, empowers you as well.

Dr. Wayne Dyer

dyer-header-photo-3

Wayne’s Weekly Wisdom “If you model self-pride and self-worth for your children, they will in turn leave the nest with an absence of stress and turmoil for all concerned.”

I have the following saved on my desktop because it profoundly demonstrates the importance of our awareness of our own behavior.  I notice too much explosive behavior, loss of control, and spewed anger that is justified with ridiculous excuses that make perfect sense to the person explaining them.   Is society becoming numb to inexcusable behavior? Parents and other relatives of children are their role models and need to be cognizant of their actions at all times.

This was Wayne’s last Facebook post.

I was preparing to speak at an I Can Do It conference and I decided to bring an orange on stage with me as a prop for my lecture. I opened a conversation with a bright young fellow of about twelve who was sitting in the front row.

“If I were to squeeze this orange as hard as I could, what would come out?” I asked him.

He looked at me like I was a little crazy and said, “Juice, of course.”

“Do you think apple juice could come out of it?”

“No!” he laughed.

“What about grapefruit juice?”

“No!”

“What would come out of it?”

“Orange juice, of course.”

“Why? Why when you squeeze an orange does orange juice come out?”

He may have been getting a little exasperated with me at this point.

“Well, it’s an orange and that’s what’s inside.”

I nodded.

“Let’s assume that this orange isn’t an orange, but it’s you. And someone squeezes you, puts pressure on you, says something you don’t like, offends you. And out of you comes anger, hatred, bitterness, fear. Why? The answer, as our young friend has told us, is because that’s what’s inside.”

It’s one of the great lessons of life. What comes out when life squeezes you? When someone hurts or offends you? If anger, pain and fear come out of you, it’s because that’s what’s inside. It doesn’t matter who does the squeezingyour mother, your brother, your children, your boss, the government. If someone says something about you that you don’t like, what comes out of you is what’s inside. And what’s inside is up to you, it’s your choice.

When someone puts the pressure on you and out of you comes anything other than love, it’s because that’s what you’ve allowed to be inside. Once you take away all those negative things you don’t want in your life and replace them with love, you’ll find yourself living a highly functioning life.

Thanks, my young friend, and here’s an orange for you!

I was impressed with Wayne’s understanding and explanation that negativity within is a choice.    Choose peace, calm, patience  and love and you and everyone around you benefits.

 

 

 

What Were You THINKING!?!

Making wise choices comes about from experiences and practice as well as maturation.  In any situation, children see what they are focusing on.  It is only with growth and lessons learned that they begin to realize that there are consequences to every action.  They are usually as surprised as anyone else when things don’t go the way they pictured them in their head.  Being allowed to make their own decisions in a risk free situations encourages them to expand on the possibilities.  My granddaughter has said more than once, “I didn’t see that one coming.”  In reality, adults don’t either sometimes.  Not doing it again in that exact way is a learned lesson.

Actions, whether judged to be good or bad are best handled with a true, calm, question about the process of their thinking.  What were the steps?  Did you think that it might not go as planned?  Was there a risk and was the outcome worth it?  Discussion with children builds their self esteem and courage, reducing stress with decision making.

Teach Kids How,  a website for parents,  lists activities for teaching children early about making choices.  It must be a continuous process for them to become confident.

 

But  too often, a child’s mistakes have an impact on the parent.  Their behavior or choice may be an embarrassment.  It may cause more effort or work when their plate was already full.  They look at the child incredulously and ask in a questioning voice, “What were you THINKING!?!” Although it may sound like a question it really isn’t.  The parent probably is not in the mood to hear the answer.  The question is really a statement that says to the child, “You were not thinking at all.”  It is not a question but a condemnation of self.  mental abuseMany parents heard something similar when they were growing up.  “Are you crazy??” or “What are you? Stupid?” come to mind.  Past generations were not immune to this kind of questioning.  Many were raised this way as well and only through self reflection as parents will they realize it did not have a positive impact on them, either.  Children develop a fear of making decisions when their choices are wrong.  It becomes easier to say, “I don’t know.”

Karen Stephens contributing writer to childhoodexchange.com in her article, ‘Parents Are Powerful role Models for Children“, says “Being a positive role model requires fore-thought and self control. Today we talk a lot about disciplining our children. We parents need to put an equal emphasis on disciplining ourselves.”

Parenting must come from the heart to raise children who are confident, caring and loving.  Teach them to love themselves by loving, respecting and caring for yourself.  “Do as I say, not as I do.” was resented by every child who ever heard it.  It won’t work on your child either.  Don’t raise your children as you were raised without forethought as to how it affected you.  Keep the best learning experiences and discover new ways to interact with your child where you  were not positively affected by the lesson.  Structure and discipline can always come from love.

 

In Your Reflection, Do you see Love?

Chances are when you look in the mirror or see your reflection in the glass door entering a store, you check your hair, your outfit, or if you have just eaten, check for food between your teeth. At other times, you are watching yourself wash your face, shave, brush your teeth or hair- mostly with a critical eye. Few people I know can stand in front of the bathroom mirror and see love. I have practiced, but that practice takes diligence. Most of us were not raised to love ourselves- the selves of our heart. That was pride and not good. So now just looking without judgment is difficult. If I am not careful, I still look critically. Wrinkles worse? Eyes puffier? Face fatter? I avoid looking into my eyes unless I am concentrating on it. It is habit. It is what has been reinforced through social interaction. It is easier for me to close my eyes and feel with my heart. Have you heard messages like “the eyes are the gateway to the soul”? That reminds me that it is worthwhile to keep them open and to look deeper.

Yesterday on Facebook, there was a link to see what had become of child actors. There was a like- thumbs up button and a dislike, thumbs down at the top when I clicked to see the first one. By the second picture and comment it was clear that the whole thing was how unattractive they had become! I was about to hit the thumbs down button thinking it was to comment on the article that was criticizing the faces of all these people, when I realized you were to judge the people themselves! Thumbs down- you grew up to be an ugly adult. I was incredulous. Judgment from one snapshot and all these people had no trouble doing that. Even more incredulous. What a horrible way to use social media.

To clear this negativity that surrounds us, we have to persevere in loving our true selves and encouraging others to do the same. Respect, kindness, consideration, support, fun and pleasure come from love. We all have that within for ourselves and others. With those emotions that spring from love we find joy. Gratitude comes from love and brings happiness.   All bring peace.

reflectionSo back to your reflection. Can you look in the mirror, a glass door, a puddle, a pool and see your true self of God? Do you see love- respect, kindness, consideration, etc.? Are you joyful looking at you, not because your hair looks good or the pimple is gone, but because you see and feel love? Feeling good within your own body begins with loving yourself. Have you ever been praised for what you have accomplished and who you have become? Did you become someone new or are people just discovering what is awakening in you that was there all along? Are you discovering that as well? Loving yourself allows you to know yourself. It begins with love.

10 Ways to Help Children Face Negative Emotions and Find Happiness

Worry, doubt, fear, sadness and poor self esteem don’t belong in children. Adults either. But we expect children to be happy and playful and full of joy. How do they take on so much negativity at such a young age? Although it is assumed that traumatic experiences are the cause, more often than not, it is something much smaller that can cause a personality to wither with no one the wiser.

During a study of key life influences, I remembered one such account when I was five or six. The den in my family home had a bay window and I had been told not to climb on it. However it was very tempting. It was my very own dance stage! I don’t remember anything in my way. Perhaps I didn’t see it as an obstacle, but the Victorian lamp that probably had been passed down through the family, hit the floor. My distraught mother cried and cried. Why couldn’t I listen? What was the matter with me? How often scenes like this happen in family life. Frustrated parents lose it and yell, something they wish they could take back. But the child gets over it and life goes on. All is well. But is it? My little self perceived an unbelievable fact that day. Lamps and other things are much more important than me. It was my first encounter with not being worthy. I began practicing playing small. My mother always thought that I had a hard time adjusting to school and that was why I became more quiet and subdued. She would have been devastated to know that her reaction to a broken lamp had that kind of impact.   I discovered this about myself in my sixties and have pondered the unknown affects I may have inadvertently caused for my children and grandchildren. But the reality is that what took place took place in my brain.

The brain chooses how it will react to situations, and that reaction becomes an emotion. Each human being has a multitude of interactions and experiences some of which trigger negative emotions while others do not. Protecting children from experiences is not possible, nor healthy. If they don’t learn to deal with small things, they will have no skills for dealing with larger ones. Research has shown that over protective parenting leaves children vulnerable when they grow and leave home. They are used to their parents as their life shield. They feel exposed and worried. Rather than hovering, or feeling guilty for our own emotions, adults can teach kids how to handle situations that have triggered negative emotions of fear, self -loathing, sadness, feeling unworthy or unloved. People expect children to “get over it” when many adults do not have that capacity either. They hold grudges, blame, show anger, or are willing to let go of relationships rather than deal with the emotions, or “get over it” themselves.   happiness

So how do we help kids deal with negative emotions in their life and be happy?

  1. Appreciate having them in your life and teach them to love and value themselves.
  2. Acknowledge their feelings and give them an opportunity to talk often.
  3. Value their concerns and commend their efforts to deal with them.
  4. Assure them they are surrounded by God’s love and His protective angels; they are never alone.
  5. Teach them to communicate with God. Listening to the answers in their heart is just as important as talking.
  6.  Be grateful and practice daily gratitude with them.
  7. Guide with questions rather than tell them how to handle their emotions.
  8. Show them forgiveness and an ability to take responsibility for your own actions so they can model you. Children need to forgive themselves.
  9. Prove that joy can be found most anywhere (without medications, alcohol or drugs).
  10. Help them to choose happiness for what they have in the present.

All experiences in life offer choices. Kids need to learn that so they avoid feeling powerless. Imagine if you or I learned this as children!

Too Much Boredom!

images0KX8SJKZ

What parent likes to heart those infamous words, “I am bored!” None that I know of as it usually is the precursor to whining and complaining and a need to be entertained. Boredom comes with the belief that children always need to be doing something. Sayings like “An idle mind is the devil’s playground”, has lead us as a society to be doers. Yet, we are human beings, not human doings. And with the advancements in technology, we can be incredibly idle while doing something!

Teaching children to be at peace, and quiet their mind is a valuable tool. I wish my influence on my daughter and grandchildren had understood this when they were infants. I would give them time alone. Let them watch and interact with the mobile, play with their toes, find their fingers, make sounds and wonder where it came from, and laugh without interference. Quieting the mind is a skill most adults need to learn as well. There are so many sleep disorders, addictions and other problems caused by an inability to shut off the mind. We torture ourselves with our constant thoughts! Predicting the future, dwelling on the past, judging, criticizing, anticipating, all keep the mind active.

Kids are rarely born this way, we train them to be like us! They are asked, “Why aren’t you doing something? Find something to do!” I remember 40 years ago putting the container of legos in front of my stepson while he watched TV, thinking at least he would be using the creative side of his brain while he “wasted” time. Perhaps that is why those in their 20s and 30s are much better multi-taskers. However, that also leaves their brains even more active all the time.

Has the ability to “be” been lost? “The term meditation refers to a broad variety of practices that includes techniques designed to promote relaxation, build internal energy or life force (qi, ki, prana, etc.) and develop compassion,[3] love, patience, generosity and forgiveness.” Time not doing is time for being, but it has to be taught, even if it was a skill with which we were born. Bored children need to learn to treasure down time to charge that personal energy, strength and connection to the source of light within and overcome doubts and fears. Constantly active kids need quiet time as well, because all children need the connection with self and God to reduce ego and build their loving self, becoming compassionate caring people with a sense of oneness with others. It is a package deal as they best learn from modeling you.  Meditation, or mindfulness doesn’t need to be done in a yoga pose. Sitting quietly   imagesNQ20XDWCFor families that have quiet reading time, guided meditation can easily be a next step. While teaching them to breathe deeply and focus, you are quieting your mind as well. “Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.” –Thich Nhat Hanh

featured-thumb-curriculum-trainingMindfulness or self reflection is being taught in schools  now to help children lose the control their busy emotions have over them. With the help of Mindful Schools  in a San Fransisco school , a documentary was created called Room to Breathe. As the instructor begins, she tells a child, that she can’t expect to be entertained her whole life. Isn’t that what boredom is, the absence of entertainment? She also within the first few minutes, talked to them about finding their happiness through mindfulness. Is a lack of happiness part of boredom as well? Whether the term used is meditation, self reflection or mindfulness, children and the adults in their lives can benefit from the quiet mind that breeds happiness, contentment, compassion and love.